Goodbye to the chancla culture! What is it like to educate with effective parenting?

“Behave yourself, or you’ll see what happens to you.” Perhaps this is a phrase you remember from childhood, either because they told it to you or you heard it shouted at someone you know. You likely grew up seeing, as a common thing, that parents spanked children when they had tantrums. You know, threatening with the chancla (flip flop) is so well known that it is the subject of memes to this day. However, in recent years, new ways to raise children have emerged, one of them being effective parenting. Bye to violent corrective methods!

Violence in parenting is often justified because that is how children have been raised for many years. Grandparents, parents, even you were raised that way, but you don’t have to repeat those patterns with your children.

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For generations, it has been thought that violent discipline breeds “good children.” Photo: Shutterstock
For generations, it has been thought that violent discipline breeds “good children”. Photo: Shutterstock

The impact of violence on children

In recent years, much thought has been given to the impact that violence and punishment have on the upbringing of children.

According to UNICEF data, in Mexico, at least six out of ten children between the ages of one and 14 have suffered violence as a method of discipline. The belief that “the stricter the parents are, the better the children” is widespread and entrenched, as the study “Physical punishment in parenting. A comparative study”.

The research carried out by the Federico Gómez Children’s Hospital of Mexico reveals that minors disciplined with violence tend to develop behavior problems, are aggressive, the parent-child relationship is affected, and find it difficult to live with others. Therefore, you should think twice before applying a “corrective method” to your children since it leaves traces that are difficult to repair and last a lifetime.

“Physical corrective methods are not accepted measures. It is worth promoting its reduction by modifying inappropriate beliefs and learning more respectful and effective means to exercise adequate control of the behavior of minors”.

Violent discipline breeds aggressive children. Photo: Shutterstock
Violent discipline breeds aggressive children. Photo: Shutterstock

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What is effective parenting?

When your son is having a monumental tantrum in which he throws himself in the street, kicks, and screams so loud that the people around him turn to see him, it is tough to stay calm and not explode. Take a break and breathe!

The effective parenting method seeks to prevent you from exploding with your child to understand his needs according to his stage of development, the reason for his irritation, and find a solution. The objective is that you can positively influence your child’s behavior without using blows or threats.

Gabriela González and Luis Carlos Flores, psychotherapists and creators of this method, explain that understanding the meaning of each of the little ones’ misbehavior and working on their emotions will help you address those feelings effectively.

“It’s easy to fall back into old, outdated parenting patterns and don’t work today; instead, they worsen problems at home. Today, children are exposed to a different world, and, likely, what your children need from you is not what they are receiving.”

Gabriela González, psychotherapist

Each stage of development leaves traces on the character of children. Photo: Pixabay
Each stage of development leaves traces on the character of children. Photo: Pixabay

Steps to achieve effective parenting

The creators of this method comment that the keys to achieving effective parenting are the following:

  • Parenting and behavioral styles: Learn to identify and apply the parental leadership style you need to achieve the behaviors you want in your children.
  • The four fundamentals: Identify the causes of their behavior, tantrums, rebellion, fear, or apathy; this will help you understand their needs and that each stage of development leaves a mark on their character.
  • Family system: You need to detect your role within your family; in this way, you will begin to sort out the responsibilities in your home to see dysfunctional patterns.
  • Family code: You must build and practice the key statements that will define how to generate harmony in the home you have always wanted.
  • Strategies and limits: According to your child’s behavior, you must apply a strategy since each action tries to tell you something.
Identifying the root of your child's misbehavior will help you find solutions. Photo: Pixabay
Identifying the root of your child’s misbehavior will help you find solutions. Photo: Pixabay

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As a parent, the influence you have in raising your children is very important; your actions will affect their behavior. Tell us on Facebook how you deal with your children’s tantrums.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here