A topic that overwhelms many moms and dads is jealousy among siblings. Today I want to explain to you what my experience with Manu was like when Emiliano joined the family, and why you should give your little one time to go through this process along with your support.
Welcome to my article about Challenges of modern moms and families in Baby Creysi.
The famous jealousy among siblings
Jealousy is a normal feeling. As long as they are temporary and do not significantly alter the coexistence and development of your little one, you do not have to worry.
It is a fear of losing the love and attention given by parents and it is logical, no matter how much you prepare your kids, there are times when they are unavoidable.
I think lots of babies go through this. When I was pregnant, Manu saw my belly, but he did not realized one hundred percent –unless he were older– that inside me there was a human being who was going to take away the toys!
First, everything is perfect for the older brother: the belly, the baby, hugging, kissing… But when Emiliano was born, it was a shock.
Manu was very jealous. My husband and I read a lot and applied every method we found to make the process more bearable. You know, that if you bring him a gift when the brother is born, that if you involve him, as much as he can, in taking care of him…
We applied everything we already knew and were told over and over again, we did it to the letter, but the jealousy was tremendous.
The moment he tried to hug the baby, an uncontrollable cry immediately broke out, “Mom, come with me!”
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Jealousy between siblings is completely NORMAL
What can you do when your older child is jealous of the newborn sibling? I believe that the main point, I say it again, is to clearly recognize that they are completely NORMAL.
Think like your child does, put yourself in his shoes.
How is it possible that as a child, I have a mother and a father, and suddenly another child arrives and I have to share not only my room, my bed, my clothes, but also my mother and my father?
It is absolutely logical and you have to understand that feeling. As a mother, I never told him, “Don’t be jealous, he’s your brother, you must love him, stop crying!” Never did I do it!
Rather, and I think it is something that will be very useful to you as well, I accompanied him in his process.
What does that mean?
Simply, tell him clearly what is happening so that he understands that the new member of the family is not going to take any love away from him, on the contrary.
Although we are very busy with the new baby, who requires all your attention, it is essential that you spend time with your eldest son and explain that his brother comes to fill him with love and joy.
Children do understand. You have to be clear with them and tell them that the new little brother or sister is going to be their best friend forever and that, if they build such a strong bond between themselves, nothing will ever stop them.
Another thing that helped me is that Manu saw the beautiful relationship I have with my sister and that’s why I was also able to talk about the issue of brotherhood.
And speaking about my sister, we can see that it is different in each family. She is six years older than me and, in a child’s perspective, that difference is very big. In addition, my parents tell me, and she asked God to have a little sister every day.
When her little sister finally arrived, it was a dream come true, I was her doll! She did my hair, she dressed me, played with me. For my sister it was different because she wanted to have someone to play with, but we didn’t give Manu a chance, suddenly his little brother arrived.
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Indeed, jealousy among siblings is normal, so don’t panic. Sometimes we get very nervous, but they are phases and this one will pass too.
For example, nowadays Manu and Emiliano adore each other, they cannot live without each other. Even Manu wants his brother to sleep in his bed, they are inseparable.
Looking back, you realize that it was just a moment and it was worth it. My boy had something in his little heart that was bothering him, and it was good that he took it out.
I think that this issue of jealousy has happened to all mothers with their babies. My advice would be not to panic. It is just a phase, it will pass, you just have to accompany him in his process.
Validate his feelings, don’t act like nothing’s wrong or tell him not to cry. If he wants to cry it’s for a reason, his heart is asking for it, he needs you. Then you have to accompany him, you will see that little by little he will not only adapt to the new member of the family, but both will love each other.
I hope these tips help you.I am Anahí and I am looking forward to meeting you in my next column in Baby Creysi.
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Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara